July 24th 2015

July 24th 2015

daughterMy life already sucks, it can’t get any worse. About a year ago I was proven wrong, -the loss of our daughter is a wound that is slowly healing but will leave a deep scar.

I found out I was pregnant when I begun throwing up so much I became hoarse, we went to the doctor and he confirmed, I was pregnant. I was incredibly happy; I was having a baby, but also incredibly scared and worried; I wasn’t able to physically be the mother I wanted to and my child would suffer.

After a few weeks of constant throwing up and going in and out of the ER for fluids, we called my parents and made an overnight stay in the hospital. My overnight stay turned into nearly a week as the doctors tried to find the best way to help me, it was discover that I had hyperemesis like my mother and would have a very difficult pregnancy. My husband and I moved to my parents house so they could help take care of me, there I lay hooked up to an IV for two months till our next nightmare began.

In the back of my mind I knew something was wrong but I wanted to be ignorant for just a little longer and let the doctor tell me, our baby girl had Turners  syndrome. There was a chance, a small chance she would survive and as long as there was a chance I wouldn’t give up, I couldn’t give up.

“Some say you’re too painful to remember…                                                                                                                 I say you’re too precious to forget.”

Then we waited, praying and hoping she would make it to thirty-two weeks and the planned c-section. Then at twenty-two weeks we couldn’t find her heartbeat and my world stopped or I wish it had.

“For those who understand no explanation is needed, for those who don’t understand no explanation is even possible” – Ziad Abdelnour

Amy's Memorial Garden
Amy’s Memorial Garden

 

2 Replies to “July 24th 2015”

  1. What do you say when there aren’t words? How much hurt does one soul have to bear? You’ve had to be stronger than you deserve, and I wish you didn’t have to be so strong. But God’s got you. He’s got Amy. And you are loved so much more than the hurt you’ve had to go through.

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